Go beyond “I like your style, until I hate it!”

What’s your style?

VATA (wind type): You’re an air-head, floating from moment to moment, enjoying the shivering stimulation of variety, not needing a specific direction, only needing to be on the move, carefree, spontaneous, living for the thrill of change?

PITTA (fire type): You’re a fiery-minded limit-breaking lover of challenges and finder of errors, forging your way towards freedom from constraint, limitations and ignorance; living for the intensity of feeling that builds as you ride the waves of passion, rising to the challenge?

KAPHA (water type): Perhaps you’re a routine keeping, comfort seeking, “let’s have a group-hug”, lover of all things slow and steady requiring almost no effort or discomfort, nurturer and keeper of peace, love and the status-quo?

Perhaps at different times, in different roles or situations, your mental-emotional-behavioral style shifts from the one type to the other. This is normal. We all have the three Doshas. We all need their life-sustaining gifts of coherent, organised, intelligent movement-transformation-cohesion. In healthy, it’s a happy family where three isn’t a crowd.

Are you stuck in your ways? 

Often, we tend to get stuck in our ways, our unique style. Wherever your current dominant style comes from, it’s good to go beyond it, to dedicate some time and attention towards understanding your style, and understanding how it can create both pleasure and pain in your private, family, and professional life.

If you are mostly in your Vata, you are going to love moving freely on your terms. When and whenever you want. You’ll be quick and fleeting of mind. That’s great if you’re an artist, but not so good if you’re a boss! Your speedy, unpredictable, sometimes-incoherent ways might drive your fire and water brothers and sisters up the wall. Be yourself. Sure! But if you want enjoy more relationship harmony, learn to feel into other peoples styles. Learn to slow down. Stop. Look. Feel. Breath deeply! Realise that your fire brother finds your random style annoying. Realise that your water sister feels unrestful in your agitating company. Go beyond your obsessive need for movement. Know that the orgasmic sensation of tignling aliveness is inherent inside you. Movement builds energy, but it flows best in stillness.

If you are mostly in your one-pointed Pitta, you are going to radiate a certain intensity, conviction, purpose. You can get carried away with that, inflamed by your own passions. Your windy and watery cousins, both of whom lack your mental sharpness, can feel overly judged or controlled by your all-seeing critical eye for detail. For example, if you are in a Pitta style parenting mode, you are going to be one step ahead of your children at all times, ready to point out there about-to-happen mistake, or imperfect way of doing something. “Don’t run the tap on full, it’s wasting water” or, “If you go to fast you’re gonna fall off and hurt yourself”. Take a step back! Let shit happen”. You can’t constantly control others. They need to find their own way, through making mistakes, through missing the connection, through going too fast and not looking ahead (Vata) or through going to slow with their eyes half-closed (Kapha). Pitta! Go beyond your earth-bound fiery style. Raise the bar even higher. Allow your love of light, form, awareness and understanding to shine deeply through each moment. You are free. You are pure awareness. Feel the truth of universal limitlessness. Feel the truth that nothing needs to be fixed, corrected, improved.  Practice feeling that everything if perfect exactly as it is.

When you are luxuriating in the comfort of your replications, deeply attached to your ways, habits and security-enhancing mannerisms, you are in your Kapha. Slow and steady, methodical, careful, planned-well-in-advance. It’s great for feeding a family or building a business. It’s great, we need it, and many of us (the Vata’s and Pitta’s) need to learn to slow down and let go. So bring it on! But this energy-conserving, glue-like force can also become an over-indulgence. Reliant on the people and structures that you have become dependent on, you sink into a rut of complacency. What’s more, your ‘mover and shaker’ friends will find your obsession with routine boring and dull. They love your patience and reliability, but your slowness or predictable nature drives then nuts. Your limit-pushing achievement addict partner might appreciate your cool and curvy, agreeable peace keeping nature. But your slowness and inability to think at the speed of light will frustrate them if they are in the mood for getting things done. So keep your Vata and Pitta folk happy by ‘enlightening’ your mothering nature. Go beyond your style, give your airy and fiery family the space they need to move, breath and to shine. Give them your love and care, but don’t smother them in sugary over-attachment. You may have become dependent on feeling safe and happy by the safety and happiness of your nearest and dearest. This is natural but flawed. Learn to connect with your own inner juicy fullness, independent from others. Experience fullness, love and bliss through becoming used to tasting the abundant bounty of aliveness contained in each in-breath, each heart-beat, each colourful shimmer of light. Learn to feel into the loving hearts of all living beings; plants, animals and people. Learn to drink up their love without taking them as your own. Every expression of life, in all its forms, spilling out into creation, a vibrant explosion of diversity, moving, heating up, liquifying, solidifying: it is all an expression of mother nature. Ripe. Plump with love. Connect your heart to all of it, all of that, all of this, all of humanity. Fill up from the infinite source of universal energy, Shakti. It’s everywhere. Love isn’t just the affectionate attention in your lover’s eyes, it’s the whisp of curiosity or the flames of passion that takes there attention away from you onto another expression of love. One love!

Overdoing your style?

Vata-heads in a relationship might become over-dependant on their partner’s for providing direction and speed (Pitta) as well as softness, reliability and stability (Kapha).

Pitta-pants in a relationship might become over-dependant on their partner’s for providing a light-hearted refreshing abandon (Vata) as well as sweet-hearted all-accepting affection (Kapha).

Kapha-babies in a relationship might become over-dependant on their partner’s for providing stimulation and renewal (Vata) as well as direction and understanding (Pitta).

Use awareness!

If you’re rubbing up the wrong way in your relationships, it’s time to bring on some awareness. It’s free, eco-friendly and feels good.

Play with your style. Experiment. Take time and interest to understand the styles of others. One of our most common human mistakes is to think that our style of experience is the same as everyone else’s. This has been proven to be the case in modern studies.

Give more awareness to this dynamic, then relax back into life. Cycles of learning, then living. Without cultivating awareness, you are operating according to conditioning. If you are happy with your life, no need to look. If you are not entirely happy with you life, take a look. Awareness is going to allow for positive change. Loose awareness. No gripping in sight.

I tell myself the above when I feel disappointed by something or someone. It’s a sign that I am not centred, not plugged into the source. It has helped. I hope it’s essence inspires or helps you.

Live, and let live 🙂





4 thoughts on “Go beyond “I like your style, until I hate it!”

  1. Namaste!
    I had great time reading this blog. Never knew there are so many things balancing you personality. I personally feel i am VATA (wind type), and that explains my carefree and spontaneous nature.
    Wonderful blog, Thank you!

    • Cheers !

      Though it is really alluring to get into “typing” our body-mind styles, and even though it is a central obsession in Ayurveda, I feel that it only really helps if we combine it with generous injections of pure awareness, where the witnessing of body-mind has no objective. In other words, be conscious, and allow your body-mind to unfold and go about it’s business as if life is living you.

  2. Wonderful blog, caused me to rethink a few things. It also arrived in my email just when I needed it to cope with a difficult character.
    Thank you Alex

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